the black lullaby

The ultimate battle of words kicks off two days from today!

Have you ever watched these feel good movies where the plotline usually leads you to an end where the main character has to make a life changing decision? Usually this decision involves picking one of two options – the thing that will either make them happy, successful and rich or the thing that will make someone else happy and allow them to lead a life with no chips on their shoulders.

I’ve seen these main characters pick the politically correct path all the time and frankly it pisses me off. We all want success and happiness but it’s bull to think that sometimes these things don’t come at the expense of someone else’s success or happiness. Sacrifices need to be made all the time and sometimes the decision being made isn’t even in the same zip code as ethical, but that doesn’t mean we all haven’t made them.

I might be coming from an angle that no one can understand but I refuse to believe that having too much ambition is a bad thing. I get the whole do unto others thing but ya know, this really doens’t stop those others from doing unto us.

Sometimes we take a wrong turn simply because there aren’t any other turns to take or because all the other turns have been taken by other people and we’ve been left behind. Everyone claims to be making the sacrifice, so who the hell is benefiting from all of these sacrifices then?

Who gets the good end of the bargain if the end we’re at is all about blood, sweat and tears? Oh everyone’s getting it, they just don’t want to admit it. Why? Because saying you are the giver as opposed to being the receiver, somehow gives you a better standing? Doesn’t God say that he who receives is as blessed as the one who gives?

I guess what I’m really trying to say is that we shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed to admit that we want dreams for ourselves too, that we want someone else to make a sacrifice for us for a change, that we’d like to enjoy the benefits of ambition rather than just dream about them.

I believe that there’s nothing wrong with keeping yourself happy, as a matter of fact, it’s the most important thing because it’s only when you’re happy that you can even focus on sharing that feeling with someone else… right?

In the beginning they just want to talk about crazy stuff like Willy Wonka’s dodgy personal life with the Oompa Loompas.

Then they move on to more serious ground with the topic of murder.

But things really start to get out of hand when someone asks: “Where do I go?”

Chatroom – Directed by Tracy Holsinger, opens 3 days from now @ The British School Auditorium from 8.00-9.15 pm from the 23rd to the 25th of Feb.

Tickets are available @ The Wendy Whatmore Academy, No. 05, 13th Lane, Colombo 03.

Throughout this ever twisted life of mine I’ve learnt some harsh lessons. They’ve helped me grow and understand things better. But of all these lessons, one that I hold really close to me is the fact that we will never truly be able to completeley understand anyone other than ourselves and sometimes we don’t even get that right.

We try so hard to say “he is a good guy” or “she is a bitch” but what the hell do we know? I’ve met, lived with and slept with some very interesting people whose lives painted one picture but at some point or the other they’ve managed to stun me in the most unexpected way.

I’ve had the faithful friend who tore me apart to my boss when it was time for a promotion.

I’ve seen the devoted wife and mother whose life couldn’t be more perfect, in the arms of another man.

I’ve known the saint who didn’t think twice before unjustly accusing a loved one.

I’ve talked with the wicked man who felt compassion for someone who was not his own flesh and blood.

I’ve observed the naughty, unruly and stubborn child commit an act that was so kind it brought a tear to my eye.

I’ve noticed children who profess undying love for their parents, turn on them the minute their wishes went unfulfilled.

I’ve been with a lover who touched my heart one day and ripped my soul apart the next.

And each of these things works as a way of letting you know that people can surprise you when you least expect it. Everyone is a fantastic poker player in the game of life and whatever happens, they never put their hands down until they’re sure they can win.

Trust is earned but you never know if you’re trusting the right person. Joy is found but you can never tell how long it will last. Love is blind yet you can’t help but open your eyes from time to time.

It’s important to know that you can never claim that someone is completely good or completely bad. As much as the thought of good and evil residing in the same body at the same time scares us we have to always know and understand that anyone is capable of absolutely anything.

Exactly a week from today…

the manipulator , the geek ,

the bitch , the anorexic ,

the alcoholic and the black hole

will all be logging on into Enda Walsh’s ‘Chatroom’ – Directed by Tracy Holsinger.

Tickets available at the Wendy Whatmore Academy, No. 05, 13th Lane, Colombo 03. Tickets are priced at Rs. 500, 350 & 250. Chatroom will be staged at the British School Auditorium and will run for 1 hr 15 mins after it begins at 8pm.

We’re fighting a new battle everyday and with each breath we take we try to transform our lives into something that it isn’t. To help us do so, we lie.

It’s not about the lies we tell others, it’s never about that because that doesn’t put us in a danger zone. What does however, are the lies we tell ourselves.

Oh the dangerous lies we tell ourselves. Three blue patches around our eyes and one deep cut on our lip later we still say that we can make our marriages work.

One hundred and seventeen unreturned missed calls later we say that the person on the other end still loves us even though they have a funny way of showing it.

We tell ourselves that we can change for the better or worse depending on the situation, when infact it is not in our capacity to be anyone other than ourselves. We promise ourselves that we won’t let anyone get so close to us that they can break our hearts again.

We receive no attention from our spouses with a credit card statement that shows many dinners for two that we were never present at and we say that we are still the only person they love and care about. Worse yet, when they give us too much attention, we think the same thing even though we know they’re acting out of guilt and not love.

We assure ourselves that we won’t let our children make the same mistakes we made, even though we have no control over their lives.

They are without number because they are so many but we tell ourselves these many, many lies every single day because they help us live a better life and sooner or later, without even knowing it, we start to believe these lies. We believe them because, turning to the reality of things is too painful, it’s too upsetting, it’s not worth it.

Our lives are lulled into a false sense of security and when reality does strike, we cover it up with another lie and another one until we finally can’t even remember what the truth was.

And why do we say these lies? Why do we let ourselves believe them? Because every night, when we lie down in our beds, it is with an aching hope that when the sun rises the next morning, all these lies, will be true.

B.

As you will notice, the black lullaby has received its very first overall change…

As nice as Chaotic Soul was I decided that this theme, which was primarily white, would be a lovely contrast to the name of the blog. Why try to be normal in a not-so-normal world right?

Hope you guys like the change…

B

The other day I was standing in line waiting to be served at the bank (name omitted for obvious reasons). In this bank, there was a particular counter at which customers with “special” accounts were served. Since the traffic at that moment was rather huge, the person at this counter had decided to serve other customers with accounts that were “not so special”.

Needless to say, the line started moving faster because of this. Now it was the turn of the third customer in front of me and he was beckoned to the “special” counter. When he was asked what could be done for him, he replied in Sinhaeese. At this point I was shocked when the girl behind the counter asked him to go back to the line and wait for one of the counters to be free because he apparently did not have a “special” account. By the time he had got back however, it was my turn and she motioned for me to come over.

Now I ain’t a “special” account holder either but the minute I told her about my transaction in English, she responded immediately and with no fuss whatsoever. I was ashamed of myself for not saying anything at this point because I was in a bit of a hurry and deep down I was thankful that I didn’t have to go back to that queue again but looking back at that man who had been there before me I was shocked at this descrimination.

Banks, among other service providers, leave no avenue unexplored in their communication about serving all customers equally. You think that our people would have come above things like this but these are still very real problems that the average Sri Lankan has to deal with everyday. We forget that no matter how perfectly we articulate ourselves in English we are still Sri Lankans and our mother-tongue is Sinhala.

In Sri Lanka, as it is throughout the rest of the world, it is a man’s human right to address whomever he wants in whatever language he chooses to. Violating this right does have consequences and it’s important that we all know and understand that.

If that girl behind that counter could have served me when I didn’t have a “special” account and if she could have asked that man to go back to the queue in Sinhaleese then I don’t see why she couldn’t have served him in the same language.

I was caught in the middle of a giant lunch table argument the other day when the topic of sex came up. There were many points of view and everyone wanted to justify why they agreed or diagreed with something. The views that were discussed were as follows:

“I can’t understand someone who can have sex with three different people in one week!” – The Single Mother

“Sex is awesome but when you find yourself getting attached… RUN!” – The Single Male

“It doesn’t matter who you have sex with… man or woman as long as you’re in love with the person!” – The Attached Female

“I can’t just have sex with anyone, there has to be a special connection!” – The Married Woman

“Everything in life gets mundane after some time, even sex!” – The Married Man

“My friend who’s had like three different children after five different marriages has finally decided that she doesn’t want a man in her life anymore and moved on to a woman!” “Really? Well more power to her!” – The Uncommitted Male & The Feminist

Now these different points of view escalated into this wild argument as each person sided with and opposed each other vigorously! The thing is that I don’t think any of them were wrong in making the statements they made but still there has to be some sort of parametre that you stick to in terms of Sex & Sexuality. But who draws these lines of restriction and who says that one thing is wrong and the other is right?

Sex in every sense of the word has become such an avoided subject everywhere. People don’t talk about it because our culture apparently doesn’t approve of it, however, this does not mean that any of these cultural buffs don’t engage in the act itself. So it’s ok to do it, just not talk about. Is that how it goes?

I’ve seen that the more open people were with their sex lives, they’ve been branded – sluts, whores, womanisers, perverts, etc., etc., etc. How is that fair? Discussing your sex life or how you choose to enjoy it should not be looked down upon. Children of our generation were afraid to tell their parents that they had a girlfriend or boyfriend when they were 12 or 13 because then you would be slapped silly, refused the right to have a diary and asked to focus on your studies without so much as raising an eye at the television.

We’ve all been through the “don’t watch Baywatch” phase but I think that’s crap because the more people condition their childrens’ minds not to think about the topic, that’s the exact same topic the mind decides to focus on, it’s always about getting to know the unknown right? This in turn I believe has lead to the amount of actual perverts we do meet on the streets and inside busses everyday.

I think that Sex and Sexuality should be discussed more openly because then and only then will we start regarding it as an unforbidden topic, thus making everyone’s life much easier.

What say?

B.