the black lullaby

You watch this kind of thing on TV and you think that it’s not possible in real life but then you have to know that real life is where people get all these ideas from anyway.

In the last one month I’ve experienced a series of mind games and power struggles that have been going on around me everywhere I go. The most unexpected people have been doing the most unexpected of things and the more I try to figure it out the harder it gets.

The worst part is when you don’t want to be part of these stupid games and want to just lead a normal life, but as we’ve all learned, that clearly is no longer possible. Then again it depends on what we consider to be normal.

There are changes taking place in my life everyday and everyone is busy dictating terms and conditions that make them happy and no one is concerned any longer for what might make another person happy. It’s very difficult to start thinking that way but it’s come to a point where I have no other choice.

There’s so much I want to say and so much I want to do. But everytime I start expressing myself, a new set of power games begin and I’m caught in the middle again.

I don’t want to be right or wrong I just want to be.

I’m tired of all this nonsense and I’m too freaking young to let things like this take centre stage in my life.

I’ve never backed down from a challenege but then who decides when it’s time to stop fighting? Who decides when it’s time to give up and look the other way? No one questions the people who’ve never tried fighting because nothing is expected of them anyway, but when those who have been fighting all along wake up and say “enough” then everybody has a problem with it.

They all want to pour their beliefs on you. They all want to advise you and tell you what they’ve gone through and why you should consider yourself really lucky. When you’re in there listening to them, it doesn’t hit you but an hour later, when you think back on the conversation you see how you’ve been manipulated. You’ve become part of another game without your consent and it never stops.

I feel so trapped and so confused but if I happen to mention this out loud, the whole damned world will have something to say about it. “You’re too young to have issues” they say. “You don’t know what you’re talking about” they say. Do they know what they’re talking about?

I don’t even know if I’m making sense anymore.

No more games. No more games. No more please… No more.

I don’t want to play nice, I don’t want to play ugly, I don’t want to play at all. I want to live and let live. I want to enjoy this beautiful earth and I want to cherish the time I spend with my friends and those I love. I want to feel good about my profession and have no qualms about any decision I make in my life. I don’t want people to tell me what they’ve been through because my life is so different to all of theirs.

I don’t want to be part of their petty battles and their absurd quarrels.  I want freedom! I want passion! I want to breathe the essence of life to its fullest.

I don’t want their games. I don’t want them anymore. Am I shouting loud enough here? Are those of you who know what you’re all about getting that I don’t want to conspire?

Sadly, no matter how loud I shout… no one listens unless I’m part of what they’re playing.

I don’t want to be pushed to the limit because I’d like to think that I have no limits in life. I’m unrestricted in every way. That doesn’t mean that you can keep nailing holes in my life and expect me to take it lying down…

I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I truly am. But if I keep getting dragged into this hideous game, I’ll have to play.

And trust me… I play a damn good game.

Just don’t make me

Here are some pics I took throughout December of Family & Friends…

These two beautiful women are my grandma (right) and her best friend (left). It’s amazing to see two women who’ve aged physically but who’re still 16 at heart. Love em!

Meet Shonnaly Michelle Hamid – the only cousin I have on my mother’s side of the family. We grew up more like brother and sister. She’s a fine young woman and she lives and schools in Venice.

I like to call this one – The Temptress, The Seductress & The Lazy Boy… in truth they’re Nuzzy, Dishi & Ravi… three of my closest friends.

More on the way soon…

Mind Adventures is preparing its next production – Samurai, which will be on stage late March.

If you’re between the ages of 17 – 22 then do come over to the Wendy Whatmore Academy on the 27th of January at 4pm and show us what you got.

Samurai is a story of greed and how it can alter perception, it’s set in ancient Japan and it’s an adventure waiting to be enacted.

So if you fit the age group, do come and if you don’t fit the age group, we’ve got four more productions for this year so watch out for them.

Oh and if you’ve got any martial arts moves to show off along with your acting skills then so much the better.

B.

PS> For more info please check out daytripper.wordpress.com

First of all… HAPPY 2008 everybody!!!

It’s a good day to be back in the world of the bloggers. I’ve missed it terribly but I’ve had no choice but to stay away. But you know what this means right? So much more to talk about!

But first thing’s first. A year ago, on this day, The Black Lullaby was born!

I can’t believe it’s been a year already. It seems like just yesterday that I started pouring out all my nonsense on this blog. Since then, I’ve read through so many points of view that have given me so much insight and inspired me to do things I wouldn’t have dared to before.

Who knew that expressing your thoughts could be so much fun?

And now… to celebrate the year that has gone by, it’s time to talk about the year that is yet to come…

It will all start with the Mind Adventure’s Theatre Company’s production of Samurai for which there will be auditions at the Wendy Whatmore Academy on the 27th of January, 4pm onwards. Visit daytripper.wordpress.com for more details.

Then, hopefully you will all be interested to know that 13 Chapters of my new book have been completed. If the timeline goes as planned, we should have something towards the latter part of the year. For more details on the book you can check the new page on the blog.

Loads of Awards shows coming up, lots of trips planned and very exciting events to talk about. But more on all this to come soon.

I want to thank all of you for being with me, and hope that you will continue to read the black lullaby, and of course I hope to post more.

The weekend has arrived, and I have a Card Party to organize so life is definitely busy.

We shall blog again… soon.

Love you all!

B.