the black lullaby

So the other day I was horny, as I am most of the time, and I decided to get online because I had some free time from work. While I was there, I met this friend who I hadn’t spoken to in ages. One thing led to another and we were soon heating things up the cyber way.

The more I think about it the more it amazes me. I had pondered over writing a radio spot the whole damned day and not a single thought for a script would come to me. Yet I was able to make someone half way across the world feel sexual pleasure just by typing a few words (with lots of spellos) into my chatbox.

Isn’t technology just amazing? I spent the next day discussing the act of cyber sex with a few people and I was surprised to find out that most of them had tried it. Some loved it and agreed that it was the perfect way to get off in times of desperation (which in my case happens quite often) and others said that it seemed too much of a task to indulge in.

Now just to make things funny, let me tell you of a bad cyber sex experience. I was once online with this chick from Colombo and things were going off quite well. However, somewhere down the line when I was really lost in the moment I decided to say “feel the grind baby”… now as hot as it was (even with air conditioning) I accidentally typed in “feel me gring…” I was embarrassed at the fact that I’d destroyed a perfectly solid moment in the conversation by making a hillarious spello. But to my utter shock she replied “oh yea baby I feel you gringing!”

But overall, according to me, the entire concept isn’t totally bad is it? I mean as technology keeps advancing we’ll probably arrive at a stage in which we dorn headphones and sit in front of each other to enjoy sexual pleasure like they do in that movie with Sandra Bullock and Mel Gibson.

There is also a certain level of excitement in engaging in such activity when you’re in the middle of a hard day of work (no pun intended).

So have you tried it? Did you like it? Won’t you ever do it again? I wanna know…

B.

you can use me, but don’t abuse me,
you can fullfill your lust right through me,
you can judge me but don’t accuse me,
you don’t need to understand me,
you can love me, you can hate me,
just don’t underestimate me,

i am empty yet i am whole,
i’ve been stripped of heart and soul,
i am nothing and i am all,
i have risen as i did fall,

you can crush me, just don’t rush me,
and don’t you dare mistrust me,
you can hold me, you can scold me,
but don’t ever try to mould me,
you can snare me, maybe tear me,
just be prepared to fear me

i have won and i have lost,
i have dearly paid the cost,
i have lived and i have died,
still here i lie, undefined…

Brandon Ingram

I’ve never been one to stand around waiting for things to happen. Those of you who know me know that when I want something done, I get it done immediately. Whether it’s buying a phone or making something publicly known. Hey, that sorta rhymed.

Anyways, to move on… The weekend that just passed by was one full of thoughts. Those of the past, present and future. It’s nice to take time and reflect sometimes because somewhere down the line you’re bound to find out what went wrong where.

As I delved deeper into this world of thoughts, I started thinking about how there was always this constant need to create a good image of yourself to the world. Keeping face is important at the end of the day and none of us want to be recognized for the horrible human beings we actually are, right?

But the cold hard truth is that we are horrible human beings. In essence, none of us are nice people. We’ve all hurt others and been the cause of someone else’s pain at one point in our lives at least. The thing is, after all is said and done, I’ve learnt that the most important thing is being able to live with yourself.

Can you truly look at yourself in the mirror everyday and be happy with the face staring back at you? Can you walk into a crowded room with your head held high because you are ok with the things you’ve done? It’s all about you at the end of the day. Sounds pretty selfish when it comes out like this, but the truth is that to love someone else you need to love yourself first and if you hate who you are then no amount of image change or attitude change can make you different.

I was saddened by a lot of things that had happened in my life, hell I’m called a drama queen because things don’t stop happening in my life. I was sad because instead of taking the time to understand, people chose to pass judgement. But you can’t change that now can you? Many have tried and failed over and over again and many will keep on trying in the future as well, for sure.

You know, now when something bad happens to me, I don’t look up and ask God “why me?”, instead, I try and recall a time when I did something similar to someone else. It took me a lot of time and a lot of bad memories to understand that life goes around a full circle. If we who were created by dust go back to that dust in the end, then what they say about the cycle of life must be true.

We as human beings take liberty in acting so freely because we believe we don’t answer to anyone. The truth is that we get lost in our lives and its many trials and tribulations at times that we forget that someone else is keeping account of every transaction that we make on this earth. There’s a line I’ve written in my second book, which I think is very true. “We live in a world where hate has become a necessity and love has become a crime.” So how do we move forward then?

I don’t have the answers to a lot of questions because I believe that we as human beings learn something new everyday. But what I do know now is that every life will complete one full circle… Every man will receive as much as they have given – be it love, hurt, joy or suffering.

Always remember that it is written in the books and history itself is proof of the fact that no man or woman has left this earth until they’ve paid for every last deed in full. Whether there is a heaven or hell is still debatable but for the actions committed on this earth, the reactions will also take place right here.

Just a thought.

B.

Here’s the latest poem from my second book… as to whether or not it will be published anytime soon is yet to be seen… I’d like the tension to build up a little more

Lurking on a cloud nearby,

I watch the aching world pass by,

Its tainted secrets and ugly truths,

Its breed of fools and vicious crooks,

The dreams they have with hopes so high

And how they believe they’ll never die,

I watch them as they boldly speak,

The sense they make, so little, so weak,

I’ve wondered if they ever knew,

That in this great big world they were but few,

They’d grown to think their lives would be

Exemplified in history,

Their laughter lasts in bursts of time,

Then fades away like a heinous crime,

But when they cry how rivers flow,

Drowning their mind, body, heart and soul,

I attempted a tear or four

And then found out they wouldn’t flow,

I tried once more and once again,

My efforts were of course in vain,

I summoned the Gods of the North and South

And demanded answers from their mouths,

They mocked me with their flaming eyes

As their voices thundered through the skies,

“We find it strange and rather odd,

That you call yourself a fine young God,

You rest amidst the sun and moon,

Yet know nothing of our sacred boon,

Tears are a mortal plight,

A curse that haunts them day and night,

That liquid flowing from their eyes

Is what lets us play with their worthless lives,

So thank yourself your eyes don’t tear,

That your heart is cold and that you know no fear,

We know no sorrow, we know no pain,

They win and lose but it’s we, who gain,

If we knew what it meant to feel,

We’d lose our need to cause ordeal,

It’s the golden rule that we live by,

And now you know why Gods don’t cry.”

Brandon Ingram