the black lullaby

I had the strangest experience last night. I got home a little after midnight and settled into bed. I dosed off in the midst of the repeat of Friends on Star World. Then began a dream that I really didn’t want to have.

In my dream I was in the future. From the looks of it, the not-so-distant future. However, the situation I was in was a direct relfection of my past. An unfinished storyline of my life so to speak that was getting closure, but in the most unexpected way.

Here’s the fun part… I didn’t know I was dreaming but I was fully aware of everything that was going on. I felt as though I didn’t belong there and it was almost as though I were in a different plane of existence. Somehow, part of me knew that I had to leave this place and come back to reality, but each time I tried, I found I couldn’t.

It was like each time I tried to wake up, I was being dragged further and further into the dream. I moved through days and time frames in my dream and it was like the story kept on moving ahead and I couldn’t jump out of it even if I wanted to, even though I knew I could. Twisted huh?

The dreams itself was like one of those TV shows on which you’re watching an ongoing track and suddenly you’re fastforwarded to a few months or years later. I knew what I was supposed to say and do but I had no recollection of how I got there.

In the real world, by now I realized that I was dreaming and that I needed to wake up because all other reasons aside, I needed to get to work. But the more I tried the more I found my dream-self fighting with me to stay there.

In the distance I heard a phone ringing… I knew that in the real-world someone was calling me and I knew I had to pick up because the clock in my head was telling me that I was supposed to be up a long time ago. But my dream-self kept getting more and more powerful and started interacting more and more with the other dream characters and having logical conversations with them and laughing with them and crying with them… Believe me, it was more fucked up than it actually sounds right now! I was practially screaming to wake up and I couldn’t.

Finally the second time I heard my phone ring, I felt my dream-self loosening up on the reigns so I took the opportunity and woke up. My driver was outside, getting wet in the rain and had been calling me for almost half an hour. I went to open the door for him and then I just went back to my room and slept for another hour to get over how tired I was…

Whoever said dreams are harmless, was lying!

So what according to you is war? Do you picture an ancient Persian battleground on which thousands are slain, or do you visualize soldiers and gunfire and grenades? Well it’s only human that you do. After all, these are some of the first thoughts that run through our head when we are asked to describe war.

But what of the battles that you and I fight in our day to day lives? Don’t we find ourselves in enemy territory all the time? Aren’t we called on to support an allie in their fight for justice?

It happens in every life that is lived on this planet. Every day we walk into a battlefield and every day we fight for what we believe in, what we stand for and what we think is ours. But above all this we fight to survive. And like it is in any war, the weak will perish and the strong will move ahead to victories beyond their wildest imagination.

There are many rules that have been set in this war that we’re meant to fight. You may have heard some of the more famous ones. “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” “Never underestimate the enemy.” Identify the friend from the foe.”

But time has advanced. The future is now. The rules have changed.

Satiyug, Treta and Dvapar are over. Kaliyug has begun. Are you ready to fight?

Yesterday was my baby half-brother’s 8th birthday. I haven’t seen him in six years because he lives with my dad. I told myself throughout the whole of yesterday that I wouldn’t think about him or how he must be or what he must be doing. But as the day progressed I found that that was all I could think about. Imagine having one part of you that doesn’t even know you exist.

As I went through my day I was caught up in various conversations that revolved around siblings, for whatever crazy reason. Either that or my mind just picked up on those conversations because of the significance of the day.

I heard people say that they were sick and tired of their siblings invading their private space and how they’d never gotten along their entire lives. Sibling rivalry was discussed in detail and it made me kind of upset because the only person who I’ve ever known as my sibling (whom I used to fight with all the time), now lives in Venice and our conversations are limited to text messages and facebook wall posts.

I looked at how different each and every person’s situation was and the more I looked, the more similarities I found.

I took my mother as an example. She has a brother who’s been constantly hurtful towards her in the past year, yet when someone calls up to say that he’s going through a  bad patch, she does everything in her power to make sure that he’s alright. I used to refuse to understand this, but then yesterday, I realized that if I could feel so much for a brother who didn’t know me, then obviously she would feel as much as she does for a brother she grew up with.

It’s this whole blood calling out to blood thing. We never really quite understand what it’s all about but it’s there.

Our blood is a strange thing really. We never really know how it’ll make us feel about something we thought we could never feel anything towards. Like our siblings.

They are the ones you can be bitchy to because you know that they’ll forgive you soon enough.

They are the ones who pick up after your messes and expect no thanks in return.

They are the ones who surprise you by showing you they care, when you thought they never did.

They are the ones who stand up for you, even when you’re wrong.

They are the ones you hate having around, but they’re also the ones you miss the most when they’re gone.

They are the ones who love you, even though they have crazy ways of showing it at times.

And there are the ones, like my brother, who don’t even know you exist. Makes you wonder, will your blood be strong enough to create the bond it’s meant to? Or will it just be something you share in common?

This evening on my way home from work I realized that even though my driver looks like a bit of a thug, he couldn’t threaten the traffic lights to change color fast enough. So while we were stuck there at the mercy of a red light, I happen to look around and in doing so I notticed an apartment complex. The more I looked at them the more my eyes would pick up on the details. I made my mind stop when I started thinking about the windows. I would have thought further had the green light not made an unexpectedly early appearence. So we moved on, but as we did, I continued to look at the other windows around me and the more I looked the more I wanted to know… what goes on behind each and every one of those windows? What happens when the sound of glass muffles the voices of those inside? What happens when the latch is on and the wind isn’t allowed in for lunch? What happens?

Were there husbands and wives in there who had promised to be each others’ strength and now longed for each others’ strength because they had none? Were they tired of trying to make their marriages work because they had run out of things to improvise with? Did they truly love each other and was their marriage just a decent cover up for the ugly lives they were living?

Were there secrets hidden within the ears of walls that everyone would pass by but no one would listen to? Were there double lives being lived? Was someone crying over deception and the other crying over guilt?

Had loved ones been lost or had they been stolen? Were children becoming harder to live without and were parents saying all the wrong things?

What the fuck was going on?

My mind was racing through various situations. I was piecing together faces and lives and tears and laughs and so many other things, trying to form a story of what was really going on behind those windows and why they were closed.

I imagined the woman who was reduced to loving someone secretly because any other way would be disastrous.

I imagined the man who was trying to pick up the remnants of his life and move on but was being held back by his past.

I imagined the woman whose life was perfect, because only she could point out the imperfections in it.

I imagined the mother who was constantly hurt by her children’s behavior but forgave them anyway, because they were hers.

I imagined the friend who was leaving with a heavy heart and didn’t want to say goodbye because he knew he was leaving for the wrong reasons.

I imagined the girl who was questioning her decision because she knew it was well thought of, but not with her heart.

I imagined the boy who had changed so much that every thing he did now made others think he was someone else.

It was them. They were the ones behind those windows. They were the ones with the secrets and they were the ones with the lives that lead into pits of misery. They were the ones who were looking at the skies in hopes of redemption from their despair. And then I realized… Shit! They’re looking at us from in there. They’re looking at us and thinking… What could be going on in the lives of that man in the car? Is he happy? Is he sad? Is he a good father? Is he living a life of lies?

What’s his story?

Everyone wants to know. Some actually do. But no one ever really does.

In case you haven’t heard it on the radio or read it in the newspapers, tonight is the night JWT will be hosting a special TGIF for everyone who’s worked there since its inception in Sri Lanka 27 years ago…

We will all be there and we will all be breathing the same air once again. I’m just trying to picture how it’s going to be. One thing’s for sure though, we’ll all have to leave our weapons at the door before walking in. But you know, through all of the catfights and misunderstandings and conspiracies and secret affairs and open affairs and scandals and bitch fests… the people who’ve walked through those corridoors are truly something else.

I have to say that I’m proud to have been branded JWT in my life because it adds so much more credentials to my portfolio as an ad person and gains me so much more respect in terms of my profession.

I was skeptical about this whole thing when I first heard about because my initial reaction was, ‘how are we all going to celebrate a reunion without killing a few people?’ but then I realized, the party’s on Friday, we can postpone the killing to Saturday right?

If any of you X-JWTiers are reading this post then I sincerely hope to see you there tonight.

The tribe has been summoned!

Ok since I’m back I thought I’d finish the series I was writing before I left. Now, in this edition of gruesome tales that have been produced as nightmare generating literature for children, we will be talking about…

Part 3 – Needles & Kisses

Snow White

Right so we have a queen who is seemingly kind hearted and eagerly awaits the birth of her baby. So she’s doing some embroidery shit one day and then pricks her finger on this needle. A bit of blood spills on the snow – now I’ve seen blood on the snow and trust me it doesn’t look all that pretty – but good old queenie decides that this macabre sight is what her child needs to be named after. So she pines for a girl-child who has skin as fair as snow (clearly she was having an affair with a polar bear), and lips as red as blood. Now picture this face for a moment. Skin as fair as snow and lips as red as blood… Even frosty the freaking snowman stands a better chance on the reality show “Blind Date” than this kid does! So the child is born and the queen dies in the process of giving birth, sad on one end but good on the other because she would have had a hissy fit to find that the child’s skin wasn’t as white as snow, just plain skin tone white. So the King (like all other men in these fairytales) who can’t keep it in his pants, just has to marry again. And boy if you thought the previous queen with her blood fetish was weird then get a load of this one who’s basically a narcissistic bitch, has a mirror that talks and hopes to be the most beautiful woman of all. Sweet cakes, even a miss world needs a facial once in a while. So she’s cool with little Snow White because in reality, this child ain’t standing in her way of the kingdom and the king. But then the damned mirror decides to throw a spanner in the wheel and says that Snow White is the fairest of them all. Now I’m sure that bastard knew what outcome this would bring but nooooooo, he just couldn’t keep his “I only speak the truth” principles to himself. Now here’s where it gets really awful. How do you out there as parents deal with this part of the story? I really do want to know. How do you tell your little kids who are about to go to bed that the wicked queen hires a hunter to massacre Snow White and then bring her heart back as proof of the crime? I’m sure you’d be able to ease the blow when you get to the part about how the hunter feels sorry for the girl and tells her to run and then just kills a boar and takes its heart back instead. But you’re screwed anyway because then you’ve got to tell the kids that the wicked queen actually eats the heart that the hunter brings back. Weak dude! So time goes on Snow White meets up with seven dwarfs, not one, not two but seven, and she’s living a seemingly happy life until that damned mirror decides that its a good christian piece of glass and breaks the news of Snow White’s live status. See I think that the queen would have found out much faster if facebook was invented way back then, because Snow White would have been bound to change her status message to: Snow White is having a good laugh at her stupid-ass stepmother who’s farting wildboar guts right now! So anyway the wicked queen disguises herself a couple of times as an old bat and finally manages to kill Snow White, but here’s the kicker, the girl ain’t dead, she’s asleep cause the apple she bit is stuck in her throat. Now living with seven men, she has to wait for a Prince of all people to come riding along to wake her up, and how? With a kiss!!! Ever kissed a choking woman before? So basically, if you choke, tell that little boy who’s sitting next to you in class to kiss you! Riiiiiiiiight!

Sleeping Beauty

So the King and Queen are clearly having problems in bed and the whole kingdom knows about it and then finally they seek magical assistance (yea nowadays it’s called Viagra). Soon a little baby is born and she has not one but three fairy godmothers who come to give her their blessings. So the party’s fully happening and everyone’s enjoying themselves when a fourth fairy decides to gatecrash (I’m guessing her tendency to do this is why she didn’t get invited in the first place) and she then places a curse on the child. Ok cool, let’s teach our kids how to curse now! Anyway, she says that on the Princess’ 16th birthday, she will prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die! You know she could have been honest and just said the girl would fall asleep but no… she had to use the word ‘die’ because it creates so much more freaking drama! Anyway, the King thinks the old hag is a stupid bitch for having revealed her plan so early and has all the spinning wheels of the kingdom burnt (we are glad at this point that the girl from Rumplestiltskin was done with spinning her gold or we all know how that story would have ended). But just to be on the safe side the three fairy godmothers are instructed to leave the kingdom with the girl. So she grows up away from home thinking of herself as an ordinary village girl but then on her 16th birthday she has to return to the kingdom to take her righful place as Princess on the thone (does it get any dumber than this?). So she goes back home and is about to be crowned when she is somehow lured into the highest tower of the palace by the wicked fairy who’s got a reserved spinning wheel ready and waiting. Now of all the places this silly Princess can touch, she decides to touch the needle, why? Go figure. So she touches it and instantly falls into a deep sleep (geez did they think that disguising death as sleep would be good for kids, yea cause now they just go to funerals and expect someone to kiss the corpse back to life!) Anyway, not only does the Princess fall asleep but she takes the entire kingdom down with her into dreamland. A 100 years go by until one day a cheerful young prince (who’s apparently into necrophelia) rides by the old palace and decides to go inside. So he finds the dead Princess and just has to kiss her. They kiss, she wakes up, the entire kingdom follows suit, the spell is broken, ding dong the witch is dead (please note, not asleep but DEAD) and the Prince and Princess get married… even though he’s twenty one and she’s a hundred and sixteen!!! Now you know where little boys get the idea of falling for older women… Sigh.

I’ll be posting a few short stories for your reading pleasure soon on the black lullaby. The first of which should be done by the end of today…

Hope you’ll enjoy them…

And as I tell my viewers on TV – stay tuned.

Out of a camera and on to my blog…

tell me your darkest dreams

the devil and the nightmare

tied in a twisted fantasy

mad, bad and dangerous to know

“i’ll take you home if you promise to hurt me”

If you haven’t figured it out yet I’m about to tell you about my upcoming book and a few changes that are happning in it.

First of all I’ve changed the title. It will no longer be called “Why God’s Don’t Cry”. I’ve also decided to focus the story on more than just a single individual and take the topic I wanted to focus on to much greater heights. As most of you know I like writing about social issues and my second book will portray more than one taboo issue that prevails in Sri Lankan society.

The book will be based on five key characters and while taking my readers into their lives, my intention is to bring about some controversy through their lives.

The new title of the book has been decided on but I’m not telling you what it is just yet. Suspence is good ya?

Missed you all loads… Stay tuned to more updates on the book, apart from other things that are going on in my life.

A chapter closed as another day ended

No pieces left to pick up

No glory left to live

No passion

But then a memory flashed by

A voice cried out: “the circle is not complete yet”

Time that has gone by will come again

Replaying scenes that have already been seen

But this time fate plays a different game

It deals a different hand

Roles are reversed

The same evil laughter

And the same amount of pain

The same ugly words

And the same triumph and loss

But the roles are reversed

The story doesn’t end

It just pauses for a while

The night has begun once again

The darkness has returned

The lullaby rings out once more

My game

My rules

My shots

The beginning has ended

And the end won’t be around anytime soon

How have you been?

How are the creatures that haunt you?

Are they well? Are they swell?

Send them my love

Tell them what you heard me say

I’m back