the black lullaby

Ah Christmas, it’s almost here, again. This year’s gone by so fast that some of its memories feel as though they’re much older.

When I was a little boy I used to love Christmas more than my birthday. I was an ardent believer of Santa Clause and I used to write him a letter every year and post it too. The one year, I remember seeing that my gifts under the Christmas tree were wrapped in the same paper my aunt had brought home earlier that evening. But even after that, I continued to believe and I continued to write to him. Every year the gift I would ask for got a little less expensive but a little harder to acquire. I’d moved above asking for material things and I’d started asking him for things relating to my family and friends.

Then one year, I stopped writing. But it was more than me putting my pen down. I stopped believing. I don’t really remember why but all I know is that Christmas started becoming less magical, less loving and less anticipatory. I know that a lot of people will say it’s because we’ve made the season so commercial now and therefore the magic of it is gone. But the truth is that Christmas has always been commercial. So why have we only recently started to use it as an excuse to stop celebrating?

Been thinking about this a lot and the more I think the more I want this Christmas to be special and I have this feeling it will be. I don’t know if it’s because the weather is suddenly cooler or because we’ve started doing Christmas communication for most of our clients… but I do know that there’s something different about this year. I feel like a kid again, I feel like I can believe again and I really, really want to. 

Call me crazy but I’m going to write to Santa again this Christmas and I’m going to ask him for what I want. Hope he remembers me and hope he forgives me for having stayed away for so long.

Ok so I’ve been tagged by thekillromeoproject and it seems I have to write this letter to my past self, this should be interesting. Here we go…

Dear me,

I’d like to tell you that you’ve made all the right choices in life but the truth is you didn’t. Please wipe that look of absurd shock off your face immediately and read through to the end. 

Yea, so you didn’t make the right choices, most of the time, and sometimes with a little guidance you managed to break even. But get this. Through every mistake you are going to make, you’re going to become a stronger person. Think about that when you lock yourself up in your room, spending hours feeling sorry for yourself.

Our mother is not our enemy, in fact, in time, she will become your best friend. I’m pretty sure you’re confused right about now and thinking ‘what the fuck is he talking about?’ (that’s another thing, don’t swear so much at such a young age, there will be more of a need for it later on), but I digress. Anyway, our mother is actually the coolest ever, so stop giving her so much of shit just because your teenage instinct is to do so. 

I know that you’re never going to get serious about your studies and quite honestly, just do what you’re doing for now, it’ll work out. Never stop being persistent, learn to appreciate the time you spend with your family and stop being so fucking dramatic about every little thing. 

Now about this love thing. As difficult as this might sound to you, you don’t fall in love with everyone you go out with. That’s just lame and you should stop saying it, you sound (in your time) like a friend that you will meet (in my time) that you will constantly have to roll your eyes at because he will remind you of you when you’re your age (does that make any sense?)

But you will fall in love, truly, madly and deeply in love and when it happens you will feel like you’ve never felt before, ever. The thing though is that it will happen at a time when you’re not ready for it, sorry dude, no one’s ever ready for it. But you’ll live, at least until where I am right now.

Say a prayer when the year 2006 begins, it’s going to be a bad one. But when it draws to a close, you will meet some exceptional people who will turn your life around in more ways than you can imagine. Don’t go looking for them though, let them find you in their own time.

Also, and this is very important, stop being so fucking judgmental. It’s irritating and it’s annoying and even though loads of people around you won’t call you on it (because they’re too busy being judgmental themselves), it’s still very uncool. Every human being has a right to be who they are and you have no right to judge them because every time you do, someone’s out there judging you. 

Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, that allows it to be damaged easily. Don’t trust everyone you meet, you’d be surprised at the ones who turn on you (and believe you me, they WILL turn on you). Never stop following your heart because I still do. Stop being so fucking preachy about cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana and other recreational drugs, because when you get to be me you’ll basically be an alcoholic chimney who’s constantly on cloud 9.

Don’t take religion so seriously, it’s meant to guide not to dictate. I think I’ve pretty much covered it all… oh yea, there’s one thing that’s not going to change very much from then to now… you’re still a slut.

Now go to sleep and forget you ever read this letter because through every tear, heartache and moment of misery, you will learn to live, really, really live and I promise you, you’ll love it all.

With much love from you.

PS. Go easy on the hair color because we still like our natural hair, the various colors, not so much. Oh and a few days before you star in a play called ‘Hamlet at Elsie’s Bar’, you’ll have the urge to go to a salon, please don’t. Just go for rehearsals.

Last evening a little past 8pm I received three text messages from three random people in my phonebook stating the following: Dakshini, a 9yr old with blood cancer is in critical condition and her father needs 20lk for an immediate operation. All the networks in Sri Lanka have come together for this cause and decided to donate 10 cents (I repeat 10 cents) for each person you forward this message to. Please forward to at least 10 people and save little Dakshini. You will be blessed.

Idiotic as I am and having a conscience to clear, I immediately forwarded the text to ten other people on my phone book. Ten minutes later when I sat down to think about it I started to wonder why little Dakshini was getting only 10 cents off each message I sent out, which cost at least 2 rupees and 30 cents. If you round that up into say 3 rupees, I’d sent out 30 rupees worth of text messages out of which little Dakshini gets only (wait for it) a grand total of ONE RUPEE!

I then called the network to ask them about the message and the man who answered the phone on the customer care hotline was kind enough to tell me that it was a scam. A discussion then began between me and some friends as to how some sick people would go to the extent of sending out messages like this just to fuck with our heads.

But then a bigger question arises. What would any old sicko get out of sending a chain message like this one? What does he benefit from it? Wait… he doesn’t benefit anything at all (apart from the sick satisfaction that half of Colombo and then some are trying to save a non-existent cancer patient). So who benefits? The networks of course. 

So what, did they all just have a monthly revenue meeting and decide that they weren’t making enough to pay overheads? Or is someone just trying to make their Christmas bonus? 

Either way, it is sick and unethical, but who cares right? Overall I’m happy that this little girl didn’t exist because if she did, I don’t know if her father would have still been able to pay for the operation with the generous 10 cents the networks were contributing.