I look back on this year and all I can seem to say is, WOW. According to the Chinese calendar, this was the year of the Tiger, possibly why it has moved by so fast and ferocious. But speedy as it has been, the lessons it has left behind have been breathtaking, frightening, insightful, life-changing and beautiful.

2010 has taken all my beliefs and burned them into ashes before my eyes. Every time I readily believed that I understood something to the fullest, it showed me that I understood nothing at all. I’ve never been one to look at things as merely black or white, I’ve always seen the shades of gray mixed into the other colors that we so fondly overlook most times. But suffice to say, I’ve seen more colors than ever before this year. My mind has been opened up to endless possibilities and my very being has been challenged.

The best lesson I learned this year is that I should do what I ‘want’ to do and not what I ‘have’ to do. I’ve seen that by practicing this simple principle, life suddenly becomes so much easier to live. The things we complain about, the misery we put ourselves through, the agony we suffer for no reason; all these are a result of this simple formula gone wrong. Basically, if you don’t want to do something, don’t do it. Most often than not we end up doing things under the banner of ‘I have to do this’ and as a result, no one is happy. You’re not happy, the person you did it for is not happy because you’ve clearly made a half-hearted effort and all the energy you’ve put into it turns out to be an absolute waste.

This can range from anything in between going to visit your family to doing something nice for your spouse; helping someone in need to doing a friend a favor. Remember, saying NO does not make you a bad person, merely an honest one. By doing something that you don’t want to do, you set in motion a chain of events filled with negative energy that, over a period of time, consumes you and the people around you, in a web of unwanted despair.

Another important lesson I learned this year is that the word ‘GIVING’ is in no way followed by the word ‘RECEIVING’. Why? Because the act of giving should happen without expectation. A lot of us say that we don’t expect anything in return when we give someone something. However, we forget that all our expectations are not necessarily material. Sometimes they are emotional or even physical. Whatever the form of expectation, letting go of it holds the key to a happier more relaxed life.

So the next time you give someone something, give it knowing that you’ll receive nothing whatsoever in return. It feels so much better that way.

The third lesson I learned this year is that as close as we are to those we love, they are their own masters and we are ours. In the past, I’ve made the mistake of getting too involved with the lives of my friends and family. Their problems used to be my problems. When they started to lose sleep, I would lose sleep too – because when you’re that deeply connected with another person’s issues, their state of mind affects you, whether you want it to or not.

This is why, no matter how close you are to someone, your connections to their problems should end as soon as they stop talking about it. We all have our own issues to deal with and losing our appetite over someone else’s misfortune is an absurd exercise. If you want to spend hours thinking about a problem, make sure it’s yours and when you’re done thinking about, smile and move on with life instead of switching on to your best friend’s pile of misery; they’ll deal with it in their time just like you have in yours.

The next lesson I learned this year is that we as human beings own no one. We make the fond mistake of believing that our friends, family and lovers belong to us. They don’t. They belong to themselves and the more we try to own them the more we restrict their relationships with us. Have you ever realized that there are lots of people in life that we refer to as ‘my’ or ‘mine’? Why do we do this? Because we believe that through something we’ve done or through the circumstances that have brought us together we are so tightly bonded to these people that we can’t live without them and worse yet, that they can’t live without us. Abusrd, isn’t it?

This brings me to the next lesson I learned – attachment – the root of unhappiness.

You will find that in an average day of your life, there are certain things, although unnoticeable at first, that we can’t do without. For some reason we’ve grown to believe that we must see a certain face or hear a certain voice or listen to a certain radio station or have a cigarette at a certain time of day or eat a certain kind of food or watch a certain television program. Many are the things we attach ourselves to in life and through every attachment it becomes a little more difficult to move ahead in life and find other beautiful things that await us. Attachments vary from relationships to materialistic bonds, associations to careers, preferences to desires. Whatever the form of attachment, you will find that the moment you’re able to let go of it, you’re also able to breathe a little easier and love the glorious chance you’ve been given at living a wholesome life.

And this brings me to my final lesson.

Love is a simple four letter word that can change the course of the world. With love there is no condition, no expectation, no partiality, no favoritism. With love, there is only love. If we truly love somebody then we cannot say ‘I love their good side but not their bad side’, no, when we love someone we love all aspects of them – the good and the bad. You might think it’s difficult, but it’s not really. Love people for who they are and not for whom you want them to be. The next time you ask someone a question like ‘How can you love someone like that?’, remember that the person you’re asking this question from understands a thing or two more about love than you do.

All in all, what a year it’s been and I can only hope that next year will be half as fabulous as the one that’s just come to an end. I feel truly blessed and absolutely loved and I’m so thankful.

May you all have an outstandingly amazing 2011 – be safe, be blessed and always, always be loved <3

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