“Father, forgive me, for I have lost my faith.” The boy says, afraid to look his maker in the eye. “I asked for happiness and I received it. I asked for stability and it was mine. I asked for many impossible things and they were made possible. And yet, I’ve lost my faith.” He looks out the window at the setting sun. The bright, orange ball is swallowed by the earth, marking the end of another day. “I must sound rather selfish – to complain about the one thing I’ve lost, when there’s so much more to fall back on. But I’m only human and so it is in my nature to long for the one thing I do not have. Does that make me selfish? I know it makes me human but does it also make me selfish?
“I long to believe once more; in the goodness of people, in the hope of tomorrow, in the love of my brother, in the words of my sister, in the heart of my friend. But I fear I cannot, for I have lost my faith. Can you remember how things were when I was a child? Do you remember how easy it was to trust? I remember how much I trusted in your word, I remember. Do you? You told me there would be dark days ahead but that through faith I would find the light I needed to guide me through. This must be why I feel so lost. I have lost my light. I cannot see the road ahead anymore and I am frightened. What if I lose my way? Or have I already lost it?
“I want to close my eyes and let you carry me through, I want to believe in you, but I cannot. I feel like a stranger in my own life. Who is this person and what has he done with me? I used to have such dreams, such colorful, beautiful dreams. I remember fighting for what I believed in but now there’s nothing left to fight for anymore, for there is nothing left to believe in.”
The father sits patiently, listening to every word, absorbing them in a silence that he now breaks.
“My son, sit here by my side, rest a while, life can wait a moment while you find what you have lost.” The boy turns to his father with a look of disbelief, a look he’s become accustomed to recently. “Think back, try to remember, where it was that you last put your faith? Where did you left it behind? What made you forget how to believe? When did this tragedy occur?”
As much as he wanted to remember, the boy could not. The father, seeing his son’s volatile state, decided to talk about his own life, instead.
“When I was a boy your age, there were many things I did not understand and some things I did not want to understand. There were moments in which I did not know who I was or who I wanted to be or I how I intended getting from one point to another. I’ve felt lost and alone on several occasions and at times I’ve felt like nobody cared, even though there had been times when I had cared about them enough to leave all I thought was important aside to be their comfort and solace.
“And when these things happen, your faith is the first to take a hit. Your faith is the first thing brought to question. Your faith is the one thing you cannot find. So yes, I know the feeling.”
The son looked up at his father, full of hope in his eyes. ”And how was it, father, that you rediscovered what you had lost?”
The father smiled when he heard the question. He turned his eyes to meet those of his son’s and said quietly: “By not trying to look for it, my son.” The son was confused. The father could see this, so he went on. “Life teaches us many important lessons, and if we’re fortunate enough to see and hear these lessons for what they truly are, then living becomes a little easier. You must learn my son to accept these things.
“Not every question has an answer. Not every feeling has a reason. Not every action gains a response. Not every tale has a happy ending. No heart that’s open to love can prevent itself from getting broken. No pleasure comes without a little pain. A good deed done with expectation is the equivalent of a bad deed committed with intention. Not everyone you meet is going to like you, just as you’re not going to like everyone you meet.
“And last but not least, remember; no matter how many times you ask those who were here before you, no matter how many times you pray earnestly, no one can help you restore the faith you’ve lost. No one that is, except yourself. If nothing makes sense right now then let it be, set yourself free, stop asking why and live saying why not.
“The faithless are the way they are because they’ve arrived at the most important point of their lives. They’ve decided to stop believing in things others want them to believe in and have started to realize they need beliefs of their own to carry them through. They’re shedding away all that’s been instilled in them from the time of their birth and they’re accepting themselves for who they are; teaching themselves how to live in a way that’s right for them.
“So don’t worry about the faith you’ve lost my son, for the faithless find the kind of faith that is unwavering and in time become the kind of rocks that stay grounded for ages while moving mountains with but a simple belief.”
