I’m troubled. Not because something is wrong but because, for the first time, everything is right. The world is full of people who care, people who want to give you chances (again and again), people who are full of love and kindness and forgiveness, people whom you can place your trust in and who won’t let you down.
Something is terribly, terribly right. And so, I am troubled.
It’s a moment of true confusion. The moment you realize that there has been no need for every negative thing you have ever said or done in your life. The moment you realize that every dark picture you painted of your brother and your sister was just another picture of yourself. The moment in which life shows you that you are deserving of all good things that are coming your way, even though you feel so undeserving.
It’s a moment of harsh awakening. The moment you come to terms with how every battle you’ve fought against your lovers and your friends were only wars you waged against yourself. The moment you start breathing easy because you know that every bit of vengeance you reveled in was another sharp jab in your own soul.
And still, there they are – people who love you without question, people who give without hesitation.
The simplicity of life can be the most complicated thing to understand.
Because we are taught that nothing comes easy. We are told that we must fight for what we believe in. We learn to love only those who will love us back. We forget to pray. We don’t do the things we want to do because some rule book somewhere says that we can’t; strangely, we never question the rules, or the book, but we always question our desires.
Frustration grows every day on the sting of the righteous whip we lash our hearts with. And finally, when we have bled ourselves dry of our passion, when we’re too tired to listen to the voices of our forefathers any longer, we begin to hear ourselves from deep within. A breathless whisper at first, a distant echo that slowly transforms into determined mumbling and finally a heartfelt song. ‘The choice is yours’ it sings. And suddenly everything makes sense. The complexity is dissolved in the white hot furnace of illusion and the truth is set free. And it sets you free.
The only thing that was wrong with the world was you. The choice, to make it right, is yours. And just like that, everything is right with the world. Everything is right.
There’s no further need for deception or manipulation, violence or faustian deals. There is no further need for the evil you believed was necessary because you can choose to believe that the light, the goodness, is all you need.
It’s that simple. It’s that hard to believe. It’s that easy to believe.
Troubling, isn’t it?